was suppose to blog yst but somehow this lappy run out of battery.. hmm sis and me have a long conv or rather she is lecturing me LOL. while we have our conv, i has to stop Fiona mama from slitting. so have to keep press and press.hmm let me type doro sis and my conv. quite long ._. be prepare. manage to save some pages only. using phone to msn isn't good at all. i think i only save when it half way ._.

D> u private yr blog le right. and its obvious that everything inside is abt her and you. and for a pair of i knw u so well people to separate themselves. dun u think its pity? why make both of yrself suffer so much when u simply want each other?

N> Yea private it le. And must thanks you for telling me that it's not private. hmm some is my daily life..

D> a relationship is not supposed to be smooth all the time. its whether are u up to into take on the stupid challenge of being hurt. dont give up so eaasily..it isn't the you. you're supposed to be much stronger..than me. ar/s ain't a burden. u're not burdening her. if she rly loves u as i speak.

N> hmm..i know.. but when i think about the future.... i think i just have to let go..there bound to be many obstacles..I dont mind but i dw her to get burden or all sort of things

D>otherwise no sparks no nothing wun it die? i went thru 4 break ups. i was on the verge of giving up. people keep telling me no dun give up. have u considered asking her whether is she willing to follow u to shu ku? shou* this kind of things u 2 should sit down and talk. its not for u to mull over everything alone. if u can mull a soultion out alone, i would call u God alr. discuss with her.. if u didn't

N> hmmm.. i haven ask.. but i really dw her to shou ku.. she has gone through a lot for the age of her now.. i just wish at keast the future she will be happy

D> but a future w/o, will she be happy? ask her before u do any drastic.

N> Maybe she will. O.o

D>no maybes =) let me tell u . i was effin mad at my ex. cos he left me w/o telling me things or discuss it even. he always make the final decision on his own and its always never fair. when we think alone. we tend to be selfish. its human. i pur out things to someone close . so that person wif a current sane mind could use a third party perspective to tell me things i nvr see. we may be able to see both ways but 3 ways nope. decision hurt. i could spill everything out due to experience. eveb ny bf is scared of me big time but love me to death. i kn3 u alr start ti regret. can feel it afar

N> hmm..

D>talk to her. seriously sit down and talk . in person will be better. if u can that is. no matter how much a girl goes thru she still wishes for a guy a caring a loving partner for life.

N> hmmm...sis let me digest

D> sure. i knw its alot :X

N> yea i keep saving page just in case i haven digest finish

D> i must be writing an essay alr :X

N> hahs.. u can continue it ba.

D>hmm Love is an art not everyone can master it. iduno why she hurt u

N> Yea i know ._.

D> or maybe she was testing u to see whether do u have feeling for her. cos sometimes if not so straight forward girls will do that.

N> i know what u mean... (((mind thinking: hmm..i dont think she belong this cater gory.. lols..))

D> consider yr options cos somehow i feel its a waste. u yearn for her so long. everyday i hear abt her. frankly speaking start to get sick alr. but still want the best for u out of these. may be just a fren u knw not long. but i that kind who wants the best for whoever close to her. i'm* be it just a passingby fren that says hello or bye as long gt connections .. i will wish them well alr. all i knw how is that she hurt u only she can heal u fully or to the worst u numb yrself ttm let the sting build till u lose it. and let someone bring u up agn and start anew. dere are many solution dun suffer alone. < /3 to see it one neh N> Hmm it's kind of my personality to suffer alone. And she hates my this personality. and i hates it too.

D> I hate ut also. i seem like yr protecting yr pride. u're* and. it seem noble but it isn't. only one word i could say is "dumb" change that personality.

N> hmm pride... Huh? ._.

D> pride/ego and stuff. i use to have it till a love one tells me that i dun have to do so no more. but the thing is ni you ting jing qu ma. and set yr mind to not suffer alone. since then i started opening myself once agn. the me now u see is yhx to fate.

N> trying to digest but sis can i ask u something

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( this is all about slitting and emoing of mama now )

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D> nicky spend yr life well.. worry no more..she will be takened care by if someone greater.

N> yea..hmm..

D> if she is destined to be hurt..let her be den.. thats what i'm doing alr.

N> ...hai..idk

D>digest the above slowly. if u could reach a state that u can watch over someone w/o hurting yrself den do it =). i just reached that state like these recent weeks. a painful process i must say. =)

N> trying to reach . But sometime..idk why i will suddenly worry for her. It's like just sudden..And true enough something happen...

D> yr six sense. six sense always reach out to those we hold dear to our hearts

N> Hmm..yea..so just cant stop worrying for her..

D> a little bit thing happen we know alr. i'm not sure. but i'm suggesting that u accept her. keep her under yr wings alr. seeing u worry. i'm not sure how long moew can u hold. duwan u to snap to insanity. my ex..had that thus his weirdness his was life goaling stripped off..

( i think i din manage to save some)

D> yea. cos the rest of my love one are doing well =) ones* i sense yr worry and emotions yr safety i knw even. its scary but yeah i knw it all =)

N> Wow..dont worry? Hmm. i cherish my life after that accident

D> hahas tell me how can i not worry? LOLs yr six sense may be strong but mine stronger LOL. and i guess u wondered why i always get most of my 1st guess right. its due to sixth sense as well =) seem like tonight u'll go out for a walk as well i presume?

N> LOL Sis uh. i think you now should now focus on your recovery den your OC. After that your bf too. Den worry me. Hahs.

(.. .. .. just other chat.)

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Quite long isn't it lols... lots of to digest... and after my walk... i think i will continue my path. Boonek , i know u are going to read this . Ur new life see happy to me so just stay the way as it is, be happy always. and rmb tc yourself, i'm not there to nag at you anymore. And when you have something trouble and want someone to talk to , u can always fine me (: . And who knows, maybe 10 years down the road, you and me meet tgt again. Anything can happen. Future is hard to predict dont u think so? I once thought , we can last forever but nope. i got proven wrongly. hahahs.. so we can still be frenz, cant we? And opps i think sis wasted her time lecturing me cos i decided to continue the path i chosen . Get stings and watching over somoeone. lols. hope sis recover from her sick fast, if not she cant enjoy her holiday after her CT ;lala.
Quick update of myself : Sleep for 3 hours till.. hmm...The rash allergic or rk what spread till my neck thr -.-... irritating... Eye: still have to be check since i leave the hosp early ..
Shoulder: not good. I do drink everyday now, but at most less den 4. smoke ard 2 per day. heard a chinese flute sound yst but cant find it source so will be finding it source today. and my work keep drag due till my allergic -.- . so far so good (: